How about if we explore that?
What if every morning we just got up and decided to live that day... not worrying about the future or being a slave to the outcome of a situation?
What if we did this for the rest of our lives?
I keep coming back to this because every time I am in a "freak out" or my husband is in a "freak out" I keep telling us this... Tomorrow... Wake up and live that day!
How easy it is though for us to get so caught up with the future that we forget to take hold of today which is really all we may have anyways... We waste so much time putting time lines and expectations on ourselves and other people and we forget that today is a gift from God and we can either waste it with worry, self pity and stress or we can make it great!
I've told you before that I start each day by asking God for courage and strength to face whatever happens today... I do this because anyone who knows me KNOWS that I am by nature NOT a patient person... when a problem arises I want it fixed yesterday...I want an answer NOW and I want it to be clear and factual and smart. I tend to think from what is right and what makes sense and often times I forget to tap into my heart.
That brings me to the "Weekend To Remember" conference...
It was amazing... now don't get me wrong it wasn't amazing because of the results...it was amazing because of the heart behind the speakers... they weren't just filling us up with facts...they really put their personal stories and heart into each part of the conference.
It was broken up into 10 sessions- It was a very emotional and overwhelming weekend for both of us and I think a lot of things collided together Monday as I know we both had a very emotional day. I started reading another book today and for what we are going through it said the average time of repair is 18-24 months... Which seems like eternity to this impatient girl here...
But really I have to ask myself do I want to continue indifferent and not fixing things or do I want to fix things now and move on towards a better future?
So back to the 10 sessions.
#1 Why Marriages Fail... The main thing I got out of that session was false expectations, selfishness and superficial motivations such as feelings and the seduction of our culture that we DESERVE complete fulfillment and perfect happiness... but what is that happiness based on feelings or reality... One MAJOR nugget came in the last 20 minutes...
"Act your way into a feeling, don't feel your way into an action"
Session #2 Can We Talk
One thing I really liked was they had categories based on people not on gender... I think a lot of times genders are categorized and it's been super frustrating to us because we are opposite the gender stereotypes on a TON of areas...
With this session I vowed to be LESS of a communicator to others and more of a listener to Aaron and to listen without judgement and WITH total acceptance for him...
"Every Wise Woman Buildeth Her House, But the Foolish Plucketh It Down With Her Hands"
#3 God's purpose for oneness
Talked about if we are not working towards oneness we are working towards isolation from each other... To me I am amazed how just my indifference and not thinking we needed help really did lead here...
A major part of this section was UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and ways that we can spend time together so that we have mutual interests.
Also talked about recognizing that your spouse is not your enemy that we wrestle not against people but spiritual forces. I also got from this part that when we KNOW we are owning our OWN sin and doing what we ought to do we gain joy. When we don't defend each other then we defend ourselves and become defensive shifting the blame and driving us apart.
#4 From How to Wow
Talked about establishing complete INDEPENDENCE from your parents so you can CLEAVE to your spouse... to form a permanent bond and stick like glue.
Receiving our spouse as a gift from God not based on their performance and so we love and receive them no matter what they do. Our weaknesses give our spouse an opportunity to be needed if we were complete on our own we wouldn't need them.
Fellowship with each other will not be right until our fellowship with God is right.
The nugget: RECEIVE don't just accept your spouse which to me is a huge difference!
#5 God's power for Oneness
In this portion they gave the gospel and invited those not trusting Christ to do so =)
I got from this ...Who can change me? Not me in my own power but truly letting God in and letting Him change me.
#6 Conflict Survival Guide
Boy I have a million notes on this section...
-The goal of marriage is not to be conflict free but to handle conflict correctly!
-Seek and Grant Forgiveness
-BOTH husband and wife need to be committed to oneness to resolve conflict
-Don't become numb and used to problems ...take care of them!
-What can you do to wrap your confrontation of issues in love?
-Treat your spouse as good or better than a stranger
-Set your spouse free from the debt of the offense no matter how bad it is!
-Let your spouse be real and accept them!
-To show grace hurts but it is beautiful as it heals
-Don't stir the pot just to feel better, take it to God first.
#7 Sex from God's perspective
Ok we are being real here... this is my #1 area where I have had MAJOR misconceptions and treated it wrongly... I am very much like a guy in this area and it's hard for me to see the emotional side of it...
In this part they covered all the aspects...physical, mental, emotional and spiritual and Aaron and I talked later about each area and what we need from each other. It was the best talk of the entire weekend and I think we cleared up a lot about how we view things.
#8 Woman to Woman (at this same time the men were getting "Man to Man"
I always thought I WAS submitting but really I wasn't LETTING Aaron lead... I always was wondering why he wasn't leading more in an area but realized I was being so controlling that it was always a fight.
"A wise woman buildeth her house but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands"
That's my MAIN weakness...my mouth... and it's no wonder ...Our husbands need US to be that safe place that they can come to without worrying that we are taking their openness and transparency and using it against them later... this was my take away from the weekend of my MAIN thing to strive for...to be that safe place. With unconditional respect and love towards him.
"We can be the wind in our husbands sails, or we can suck it right out"
She also talked to us about how we are like coal... but with time, heat and pressure God is turning us into diamonds! =)
Session #9 How marriages thrive
BY habits... Extravagant love, generous forgiveness and enthusiastic encouragement.
Placing your spouses needs above your own.
The weekend NUGGET!
"Act your way into a feeling, don't feel your way into an action!"
Forgiveness... 70 x 7 ...this leads to a bitter FREE marriage, offered quickly, applied freely, expressed graciously and KEEPS NO RECORDS OF WRONGS!
Encouragement- Avoids critical words and GOSSIP... leads to authentic unity.
Focuses on patterns instead of events.
Session #10-Leaving a Legacy
Don't wait for your spouse to act... Do what God expects of you.
Persist through the attacks of Satan and remember that you are not responsible for your spouses choices.
You can live your life... Indifferent, Indulging or Investing.
I can pass on a curse or a blessing to those I may never know.