Friday, February 3, 2012

The Bullies- Special Blog Tour on Spreading Love not Hate by standing up against bullying.

 So today along with about 85 other bloggers I am doing a post on bullying.

Bullying comes in many forms...physical violence, verbal violence, cyber bullying etc... It also spans every race, gender, religion and age. It's sad in any form. It's sad for those being bullied and it's really sad to me for those that feel so lost inside that they feel the need to hurt others. So here is my personal story of being bullied. (Names have been changed except mine)

In Jr. High the church youth group I was a part of was pretty small about 20 kids at most and the core group was about 10. There were 2 boys in particular that everyone had a love/hate relationship with Ben and John. Ben and John were brothers. the middle children in a strict military family of 4 kids. An often absent father who when he was around was harsh and angry and a mother well...know one really knew. She seemed sweet and loving but also a little frightened. It seemed Ben and John tried to keep the kids in the youth group somewhat afraid of them, but also it seemed like the kids would also try to hang out with them and be part of their "cool group." I for one was never in any "cool group." I was me no matter what... sometimes kids loved me and sometimes they called me goody goody. But one thing for sure after a couple years I'd had enough of Ben and Johns B.S.  They knew I was not a fan of them and their controlling and manipulating ways with all the other kids. One night it all came down...

We had just spent the day an hour away from town at our youth directors house. He had put us to work and then rewarded us with an evening bonfire and hayride. Ben and John once again were at it again and tried to pick a fight with a boy named David. I shouted at them to all knock it off...I'd had enough! "At least fight one on one you big jerks I yelled... this two against one crap is for wimps." WHOA!!! Had I REALLY just spoke up like that... their looks told me I would pay later. Girl or boy they really didn't care...

Unfortunately the hour ride home with one adult as the driver took a turn for the worst. They started in on me right away "So you think your just a great big goody goody...think it's your job to tell us how to fight." I replied only with a glare. For some reason they then left me alone but began berating the girl next to me a couple years younger than me. Ashley immediately began crying as they laid into her about being a little momma's girl that "nobody liked anyways" It was absolutely horrible and I COULD NOT sit there any longer. I leaned over and whispered to Ashley to just put her head down and ignore them... she did so and continued to quietly sob. Mind you this ENTIRE hour ride (which seemed like 10) the adult driving did NOTHING... the older brother of Ben and John did feebly throw in a "knock it off" once, but I was in awe at the pure hate flowing out of these boys mouths... Church kids mind you...supposed to know better, do better, believe in right and wrong and DO IT. Once Ashley had put her head down they took a swing at her and I threw my arm up to block their blow. This REALLY set them off in the verbal sewage.  Most of what they said I CANNOT even post in this blog... but really 14 and 15 year old boys speaking this way to ANYONE is utterly horrible and wrong. One thing I clearly remember them saying is "Your such a good little Christian girl, but while we are partying in hell, God is going to be raping you in heaven." REALLY! Who says stuff like that? Eventually through my tears of both anger and humiliation. I told them I felt sorry for them. That all they knew was anger and hatred... of course they laughed.

When the van arrived at the church I grabbed Ashley's hand and practically dove out of the vehicle. I ran into the building while Ashley still crying went to her mother's car. My mom was there to pick me up and after I explained what had happened she literally kicked a chair across the office. My mom is the most laid back non-violent person I know. Another of the youth directors was there and gave me the typical "be the bigger person" which I in total anger replied "That's the kind of shit that let's these boys keep getting away with this crap!" Yes I said those words and in front of my mother... but I was pissed!

After all that they boys were banned from youth group for the next year. They could come to church but always had to sit with their parents who as far as I know did absolutely nothing. Ben eventually wrote Ashely and I an apology note while John grumbled something about being sorry.

Ashley's mother and father as well as our pastor dubbed me a "hero" for defending her. Little did I know how much that meant to Ashley who I found out later had already been the victim of sexual abuse by her biological father. I didn't really feel like much of a hero. I just knew I couldn't stand by one more minute and let these boys continue to tear others down.

I'm saddened that it took a 15 year old girl to finally stop them when countless adults could have stepped in long before. NO matter your age you can STOP bullying... don't be afraid... just follow your heart and DO WHATS RIGHT! I'm so glad I did.

To see others stories about bullies...


  1. Well I too had been bullied by these boys. That is why I was so emotional for pretty much my whole teenage years lol. When I stood up to them I got frowned upon. So Yes I know all too well what you and this girl went through with these boys. "I was even shot at with a bb gun by them at close range" I grew up and learned from it. I am a much stronger person but it did tear me up to be picked on by so many people. I know I can hold my head high. I still stand up to people if I see them picking on someone. I had to get after a some child that decided to take it upon themselves to parent my child. I was pissed lol. I had more issues with bulling in our Own Youth group then I did in school. I'm glad you stood up to them Karissa. I don't remember if I was there at the time. I remember going out to do some work clearing brush and such and then having a bon fire and hay ride but for some reason the fight I don't remember. Maybe I blocked it lol.

  2. Shame on the adult for not stepping in! But you know, I bet Ashley still remembers you standing up for her. Thanks for joining in and blogging, Karissa! <3

  3. It's a crime that there weren't any MEN to stand up against these boys. I would love to see them try that with someone like Preacher around! It would last all of five seconds...maybe. I remember getting fed up with a kid in kindergarten who pushed me out of line for the fiftieth time and called me names. To his, my, and everyone's shock, I finally shoved him up against the wall and took a swing. Guess who got in trouble? You got it: the little girl who was too scared to ever do anything naughty. Not the bully. I think he's in jail today. Maybe if he didn't get away with everything he did, he would be a productive citizen.