Now I realize to the folks I've known for years this may sound a bit mystic and you may think it's crap... But I will say I will not apologize...take it or leave it...open mind or closed... this has been a HUGE step in my soul this week and I hope it helps someone else...and to others it may be just a "duh" moment...so bare with those of us that are slower than you ;)
This last week I went into my counseling session not really expecting much. Not really knowing exactly what I wanted to confront or why I was going.
We spent some time talking about my family, my life growing up and then the counselor did an incredible exercise with me. I closed my eyes and I pictured that little girl who was and still is me. The little girl who is 10. Has a blond curly mullet, crooked teeth, a big goofy smile and is wearing stir-up pants and a polka dotted turtle neck. In my mind she's sad, she's disappointed, she wants so desperately to be approved of to know someone is proud of her to feel loved. She's worked really hard on something and she wants to show it off, but feels like no one has time or cares about it. "What does she want you to know" he asks me... "She wants me to be proud of her, to know she matters, to approve of and admire her. Most of all to make sure my own little girl at home feels loved, approved of and treasured." I cry a lot and she cries with me as I try to quietly tell her what she needs to hear. To tell her she's loved and adored and approved of and she did a great job.
I open my eyes. Makeup running down my face. Blowing my nose. I take a deep breathe and my session is over. I walk out not feeling much different, but as the day and the week progresses. I feel a huge sense of peace. I connect with that little girl. I don't know if I ever had before. But I realize now how important it is. You see she was so desperate for MY approval that she was screaming...looking...begging...pleading for anyone to take care of it... She looked for it in others when the answer all along was me.
How many of us have this and yet we don't realize it. It's like no matter how much we feed and cherish our spirit, our present selves... if we don't connect with every part of us those parts scream for our attention. They can't just be starved and ignored. They must be taken care of and made peace with. And when we align inside... Somehow everything in the present just gets a little more clear, a little brighter... more peaceful.