It's been a rough week and it's only Wednesday... Monday emotions built up just came crashing down and I spent a lot of time crying in my room...
Undoubtedly this time in my life is the most emotional and difficult I've ever experienced. It's pretty easy for me to get down and cry and be haunted by the past and to struggle with hatred towards those that have hurt me and my family.
Sunday Mike Fluech missionary to South Africa talked about bearing one another's burdens... and I was reminded of all those that helped to bear mine. I think that's why emotions crashed Monday... so many thoughts and feelings spinning around in my heart and head. I have to wonder how all of this will one day be a help to someone else. I hope the challenges I'm facing can one day be looked back upon as lessons learned and I'll be able to encourage others.
Speaking of bearing burdens. Yesterday found out a man in our church has days to live... Nothing like crap happening at Christmas time... I found myself weeping for his wife and 2 teenage daughter. As a daughter I thought about all the milestones he'll miss and how they'll be missing him. Graduation, walking them down the aisle, grandchildren... I wept hard for them. I'm very attached to milestones and celebrating them. It crushed me to think of them having those without their daddy present.
So after that I was getting all prettied up to go to the Care2ShareBoise wrap party. I helped along with about 25 other people to advocate for 21 families and get gifts donated for them so they might have a Merry Christmas. (You can read my blog post for them here: http://care2share.posterous.com/a-reason-for-giving ) Anyways so got ready, Aaron came home and we headed down to the party where we were "wrap captains" for the table we sponsored. Mid-way through the evening I get a text from my mom saying my grandpa isn't doing well...probably not going to make it much longer...
CRASH! The joyous mood of the evening was stolen right out of my heart... WHY WHY WHY... it's Christmas! WHY! So every year we will be reminded of when we lost grandpa =( Needless to say I plastered a smile on my face and made it through the evening...but as soon as we left I let it out... so today I am exhausted. I have wild bed head and bags under my eyes and despite 3 cups of coffee all I really want to do is be in bed.
Gosh what a depressing blog post... But this is real. Real feelings, real honest, real life.
Nope it doesn't come around to a happy cheerful line at the end. This is just Karissa here letting you know I feel... and letting you know it's ok to feel and be sad and weep and have bad days or even weeks... Don't be afraid to feel!