Saturday, February 19, 2011

It it possible?

I just got in the mail a book that I have heard both good and bad about and although I am only 4 chapters in has helped me greatly...

It's called "Created to Be His Help Meet" By Debi Pearl

If you decide to read it you REALLY must go with an open heart and prayfulness because it's a "hard" read yet I have found even in the few chapters and couple days of owning it that her advice really does help...

Is it possible that we as wives hold such great power? Is it possible that unconditional love and respect towards our husbands can really provide such amazing results... Time will tell in my case... but in the many letters she gets of wives rejoicing because they read, they listened and most importantly they OBEYED...

Is it possible that we hear over and over what we should do and what we should not do and we see others living joy filled lives because of obedience to God and we see others live pain filled lives because of disobedience and yet I myself just didn't "get it"... until now...

Is it possible that God in me makes "trying" to love my husband unconditionally...not like trying at all... See before I tried to do this and I tried to do that to not react to situations and to put on a smile... BUT did you see all the "I" in there... Something about the last 2 weeks ...a change in my heart... has made loving him flow naturally... and it's not about what I deserve or he deserves ... because we ALL deserve one thing... HELL...

Is it possible that I am finally seeing how Jesus is my true example? Is it possible that trying to be like him as much as possible opens my heart to love, forgive and eventually forget the hurt? Is it possible that even the world says "get rid of him" "you deserve better" "there are other fish int he sea" that even though even other Christians think I am a door mat or lack self-respect... Is it possible that really all I am doing is a tiny fraction of what Christ does for us every day?

See for several weeks I had trapped in my mind that IF things were ever going to get better or work out with my marriage that HE would have to do this and this and this and God would have to change HIM and HIS heart... But last Sunday and from reading God's word and this book... my heart has changed...and HE can tell a difference in ME trying and GOD flowing through me...

Is it possible that what we hear all the time about working on yourself and allowing God to change MY heart can really make all the difference...You see back to being like Christ... WE are the ones who hurt our Saviour (our spouse) all the time... and does he ask us to change to clean up our act to win HIM back? No. Is it possible that I can see the example my Saviour set for me and how our Lord seeks to win US back... IS it possible though I have been hurt that I can do the winning? Through being the wife I should have been all along and was too stubborn and selfish to change?

Is it possible?

With God ALL things are possible... and although everyone around you may think your a fool... God honors obedience... and even in just one week of having a changed heart... I've seen it...

So who knows... God does... and NOTHING is more important than this day...

What can you do?


  1. Wow! Loved reading this! So glad that God is working a miracle in you! I hope that this encourages others in your situation not to do what the world says but to follow Jesus' example. I'm proud to call you my friend Karissa! Bless you.

  2. Karissa, many years ago Bob and I almost didn't make it. There are all kinds of 'stories' but what they usually boil down to is he/she doesn't understand me/appreciate me/help me/love me. I feel hurt, neglected, ugly, worthless, and not cherished by the one God gave me to love me all the rest of my life. When God had worked in both of our lives, making us want to stay together and learn to 'care' for each other, Bob told me something I'll never forget. He said he never planned to hurt me again, but he knew he was human and undoubtedly would. However, in order for our marriage to make it, I had to be willing to 'let' him hurt/disappoint me again! If I held anything back to protect myself, I wouldn't be able really walk in freedom down the road back to a healthy relationship. I'd always be waiting for him to screw up, and eventually he would. I had to think and pray on that for a couple of days, but God not only helped me understand that he was right, but gave me the grace and freedom to forgive him... and yes, be willing to be hurt again. I've NEVER regretted that choice!

    I hope that's helpful to you on your road to renewing your relationship with your husband. Praying for you!
    Love, Donna Conrad

  3. Along these lines, I read a book years ago called "The Surrendered Wife," and it totally changed my outlook. The book is not actually faith-based, though the title sounds like it (and unfortunately, it has a pretty cheesy cover). A lot of people might misinterpret the title to mean, "The Doormat Wife" or "The Abused/Battered Wife." But it's so not that way. Instead, the writer talks about the power a woman holds over her husband's contentment (and the emotional status of the whole household). The gist of it is learning to stop being critical, which is SUCH a battle for a lot of wives, for whatever reason.

    It's about leaving the decisions that are his to make in his own hands and letting the chips fall, rather than trying to control every little thing, like how he drives, how he talks on the phone, what he spends $$ on, etc. etc. - things that leave him feeling stifled. It sounds related to what you're learning.

    Of course, any spouse can be controlling of the other (sheesh - I've known some crazily controlling husbands), but from my experience, the women taking the lead in this surrender is crucial. This doesn't mean she is weak! It's actually a very strong, confident woman who learns this lesson and lives by it, in my opinion. Cuz Lord knows we've got enough decisions and things to run on our own without trying to play Mom to our husbands!

  4. I love that book! Every time I pick it up it convicts me about my sin of either lack of joy or unthankfulness. The Bible clearly shows what a wife should be and Debbie gives definitions and example after example of each thing God wants us wives to be in Titus 2:4-5. Created to Be His Help Meet is my all time favorite book. Keep fighting for your man Karissa!