How to handle your newly divorced friends... Or at least me =)

This has been riding on my mind for awhile and after yet another conversation with a married friend the other evening here goes.

Just because I am now without a husband does NOT mean I can't function around married couples.

Let me elaborate... I'm sure this goes for widows, divorced, break-ups and also in this economy "widows" those wives of deployed husbands or husbands working out of town constantly...

Please I say this on behalf of us all... INVITE us to events, gatherings, parties, dinner ANYTHING... its totally fine for us to be around married people even if we aren't anymore or our husband can't make it... In fact we feel sad, left out and just plain awkward when we don't go... I would say in fact it's VITAL to us feeling normal and going on with life.

I'm still perfectly capable of carrying on a conversation with married adults and no I'm not going to hit on your husband LOL...I say this because I've had a circle of friends and church family that I've known for 10 years... I STILL want to be your friends even if I no longer have a husband... That's why I still attend the "young marrieds" class and activities... because you see even though my marital status has changed. I still NEED you guys... I still need to hear about your kids...your lives and your marriages.

Now one friend pointed out that maybe its YOU that feels awkward as a married person... what do I say, act, do for someone who's divorced... Treat us NORMAL... we aren't going to crumble or fall into a pile of tears if you kiss your husband in front of us or talk about how happy you are in your marriage... I am surprised and happy at how incredibly HAPPY I am for those in a happy relationship...

It gives me hope and strength to know that it IS possible =) So PLEASE talk about how your husband is amazing or your wife is hot! It doesn't bother me or make me feel sorry for myself... quite the opposite in fact... it give me hope that out there... REAL...TRUE ... HONORABLE... Love exists and perhaps even for me again some day =)

So your wondering what you can do to help us through this transition... treat us normal... be a phone call away for us and continue to be our friend and share your life... we miss feeling normal...

Love Me... Divorced...Mom...

New Home...Fresh Start...Healing Hearts

Well we have moved... the kids and I although they do tend to call it "mommy's house" and "daddy's house" ...I try to let them know that it is their homes... two homes...two rooms... Whenever I have moved into a new home I unpack as quick as I can... and this time was no different but I feel it was different because it was MY decision where everything went... I did most of the work with a help of some wonderful girlfriends and a couple great guy friends. I didn't have to ask anyone else their opinion or permission I just did it. This is the first time in my entire life I have had that. I lived in my parents home until the day I married Aaron. Now just over 10 years later. I am for the first time a single adult...on my own making all the decisions for ME. Its fun...its exciting...its freeing..its even at times scary. I wondered if when I finally had this place to call my very own if I would be lonely on the nights and weekends the kids aren't here... So far I've been too busy making this house our home to feel too lonely... I love my new home... it's perfect for us. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath a great bonus room which is the boys room and the spare room is my space to create. It's very close to our old house which Aaron stayed in. So its nice that the kids have just a short distance between parents and all they have to bring back and forth is their blankies and Jake our doggy =) I think we are adjusting to this transition. Everyone sleeps well at night although Klayton just told me "I hate going to bed" Haha yeah little buddy me too =) We did manage to get pictures taken all as one family one last time... Lots of pictures of the kids and then each parent with the kids and at Soleil's request one last family photo for her room. A friend of mine a child of a restructured family... told me it was important to her to have that picture because no matter if her parents were married or not...everyone in that photo was still HER family. I think it is great that we can do what we desire with restructuring our family... it doesn't have to be hateful and horrible (even though believe me there have been moments)... we don't have to do or not do things just because others may think it odd or awkward... WE get to decide... So if you are on My Christmas card list and this year there is one less person... He's not gone...he's not deserted us... He's on another Christmas card with our three beautiful kids... and we are doing our best to love and protect their little hearts one day at a time...

Bitter or Better... It's Up to Me...

As I go through this transition in my life and the roller coaster of emotions continue, it's easy to feel bitter, angry, betrayed and much more. I'm sure it's not just me in my particular situation it's you too ... I mean come one we can ALL easily get into a "poor me" attitude... sit on the pitty pot or complain about the "cards we were dealt." I'm not saying it's not normal to feel this way and to fall into the pit of bitterness...I struggle daily. I feel very sad when I see those around me actually making serious life choices due to bitterness. Bitterness about the way they were raised, the church they went to, the way they were treated by so called friends, betrayed by a spouse...so many more. I hear them say "I'm going to do such and such because that will show so and so" and I am sure I have been guilty as well. So I want all of us to stop and think the next time one of these bitter statements comes out of our mouth... Stop just stop! Why oh why do we allow our anger and bitterness to allow us to be so affected that we make MAJOR life decisions just to spite "them." Life choices in my opinion that should be made because they are things that WE choose to do because WE want to do it not because of our anger towards someone else. Not because we NEED to prove to them that we are better than they have treated us. Because in the end the only person we are hurting is ourselves. Someone once told me that each day we waste letting someone get us stirred up and angry is one less day we have to be happy and free... because life is really too short to let them take up any space in our emotions. I mean what a waste! You know what I really want? I want to be better... not better than another person but BETTER than bitterness...BETTER than hatred...BETTER than anger... I want to rise above the muck of my past and my pitty party feelings and LIVE. I want to make a pact with myself to be BETTER each and every day and instead of pouting about having a "ruined life" go on and live victoriously and courageously. To know that the past is the past ...to let it go... put it behind me and KNOW that I can be truly happy despite my mistakes and the what "they" have done to me. I know I will still struggle and still fail, but just acknowledging these feelings encourages me to get up and start every day brand new. So Bitter or Better...it's up to you...