Although life has been less than smooth the last year and a half as I have stated in a previous post I've embraced MY dream. The dream of being a stay at home mom and actually knowing and believing it's ok and NOTHING more is required of me. I am an Independant Scentsy Director but until my kids are in school all that takes a back seat to them. From about September 1st until end of December my Scentsy business is beyond crazy and along with school activities and holiday stuff well it's a little nutty.
But once January 1st is over I get to take a deep breath and take more time to do the things I love and enjoy. I've been LOVING not rushing off to go anywhere most days. I've been doing some fun little sewing and decorating projects and trying to post here more than once every never =) But best of all I've just been getting down on the floor and really connecting with my boys. While sister is off at school we snuggle in bed until we are ready to be awake...errr I mean I'm ready. Then we hang out in our pj's for awhile and make a late breakfast. I've been especially conscious and making an extra effort to bring them close and hug them and kiss them and tell them I LOVE them and most of the time they say "I love you too momma" Melt your heart, right =)
In the midst of so much emotional turmoil inside so many families. I really hope and pray that the grown-ups can put their differences aside and simply draw close to their children. If you can't invest in your spouse anymore why not throw your time, talent, attention and love onto your kids. After all they are the greatest rewards that came out of your relationship anyways... and if your kids should remember anything about Dad and Mom...it should be how much time and love they gave them.
So do me a favor... grab each one of your kids at least once today and tell them how much you love and treasure them and give them a big hug! I just bet they will smile and give you one back =)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Surrender
So I give up, I quit, I can't do it any more... Emotionally I'm spent... I felt a little bit like a failure admitting this to myself last week. But then I talked to one of my best friends last night and she used a GREAT word Surrender.
The great thing about this word is that it takes the focus off of me. It doesn't mean I'm a failure it means I am letting someone with more power take over. To me that's God. For much too long I've been trying to make my life work in my own strength. I've tried absolutely EVERYTHING I can think of to make my marriage work. Last week I told my heart it was time to stop. Stop trying and last night I realized it wasn't failing...quitting or giving up. It was simply surrender. Sometimes even though WE try our hardest some things we simply cannot force or control. I simply can't force or control my husband and his ability to love me the way I need to be loved. It hurts yes but it's ok. It's taken me over a year to get to this place of surrender because every ounce of me wants to fight for my marriage. But really when I took that step in my heart and I realized it was time to let go. To SURRENDER completely surrender my emotions, my fears, my efforts... a peace swept in.
Over these last 14 months... small pieces of peace have entered my heart. One item, one challenge, one area at a time. It's like God telling me. You are done striving over that and then He brings peace. This was another area I needed to surrender. It just took me a long long time.
So what's the next step... and here is where I usually am very open but I am going to choose to say it's personal... it's going to be gradual... but I'm done striving and I'm surrendered.
The great thing about this word is that it takes the focus off of me. It doesn't mean I'm a failure it means I am letting someone with more power take over. To me that's God. For much too long I've been trying to make my life work in my own strength. I've tried absolutely EVERYTHING I can think of to make my marriage work. Last week I told my heart it was time to stop. Stop trying and last night I realized it wasn't failing...quitting or giving up. It was simply surrender. Sometimes even though WE try our hardest some things we simply cannot force or control. I simply can't force or control my husband and his ability to love me the way I need to be loved. It hurts yes but it's ok. It's taken me over a year to get to this place of surrender because every ounce of me wants to fight for my marriage. But really when I took that step in my heart and I realized it was time to let go. To SURRENDER completely surrender my emotions, my fears, my efforts... a peace swept in.
Over these last 14 months... small pieces of peace have entered my heart. One item, one challenge, one area at a time. It's like God telling me. You are done striving over that and then He brings peace. This was another area I needed to surrender. It just took me a long long time.
So what's the next step... and here is where I usually am very open but I am going to choose to say it's personal... it's going to be gradual... but I'm done striving and I'm surrendered.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Family Pics
I'm really terrible about keeping up with pics but here is this years pics... courtesy of Tamara Kenyon Photography =)Klayton is 2 ...
Kale is 4...
Soleil is 7...
A Personal Break Through
Now I realize to the folks I've known for years this may sound a bit mystic and you may think it's crap... But I will say I will not apologize...take it or leave it...open mind or closed... this has been a HUGE step in my soul this week and I hope it helps someone else...and to others it may be just a "duh" moment...so bare with those of us that are slower than you ;)
This last week I went into my counseling session not really expecting much. Not really knowing exactly what I wanted to confront or why I was going.
We spent some time talking about my family, my life growing up and then the counselor did an incredible exercise with me. I closed my eyes and I pictured that little girl who was and still is me. The little girl who is 10. Has a blond curly mullet, crooked teeth, a big goofy smile and is wearing stir-up pants and a polka dotted turtle neck. In my mind she's sad, she's disappointed, she wants so desperately to be approved of to know someone is proud of her to feel loved. She's worked really hard on something and she wants to show it off, but feels like no one has time or cares about it. "What does she want you to know" he asks me... "She wants me to be proud of her, to know she matters, to approve of and admire her. Most of all to make sure my own little girl at home feels loved, approved of and treasured." I cry a lot and she cries with me as I try to quietly tell her what she needs to hear. To tell her she's loved and adored and approved of and she did a great job.
I open my eyes. Makeup running down my face. Blowing my nose. I take a deep breathe and my session is over. I walk out not feeling much different, but as the day and the week progresses. I feel a huge sense of peace. I connect with that little girl. I don't know if I ever had before. But I realize now how important it is. You see she was so desperate for MY approval that she was screaming...looking...begging...pleading for anyone to take care of it... She looked for it in others when the answer all along was me.
How many of us have this and yet we don't realize it. It's like no matter how much we feed and cherish our spirit, our present selves... if we don't connect with every part of us those parts scream for our attention. They can't just be starved and ignored. They must be taken care of and made peace with. And when we align inside... Somehow everything in the present just gets a little more clear, a little brighter... more peaceful.
This last week I went into my counseling session not really expecting much. Not really knowing exactly what I wanted to confront or why I was going.
We spent some time talking about my family, my life growing up and then the counselor did an incredible exercise with me. I closed my eyes and I pictured that little girl who was and still is me. The little girl who is 10. Has a blond curly mullet, crooked teeth, a big goofy smile and is wearing stir-up pants and a polka dotted turtle neck. In my mind she's sad, she's disappointed, she wants so desperately to be approved of to know someone is proud of her to feel loved. She's worked really hard on something and she wants to show it off, but feels like no one has time or cares about it. "What does she want you to know" he asks me... "She wants me to be proud of her, to know she matters, to approve of and admire her. Most of all to make sure my own little girl at home feels loved, approved of and treasured." I cry a lot and she cries with me as I try to quietly tell her what she needs to hear. To tell her she's loved and adored and approved of and she did a great job.
I open my eyes. Makeup running down my face. Blowing my nose. I take a deep breathe and my session is over. I walk out not feeling much different, but as the day and the week progresses. I feel a huge sense of peace. I connect with that little girl. I don't know if I ever had before. But I realize now how important it is. You see she was so desperate for MY approval that she was screaming...looking...begging...pleading for anyone to take care of it... She looked for it in others when the answer all along was me.
How many of us have this and yet we don't realize it. It's like no matter how much we feed and cherish our spirit, our present selves... if we don't connect with every part of us those parts scream for our attention. They can't just be starved and ignored. They must be taken care of and made peace with. And when we align inside... Somehow everything in the present just gets a little more clear, a little brighter... more peaceful.
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